Dec 2015, Jan and Feb 2016

Asmund: "Wystan, I don't like that you sang that in another language."
Wystan: "But it was BB-8 language."
Asmund: "Wystan, it was owl language."

Wystan crawls into bed next to Raedan this morning:
"Wanna know something, Raedan?"
"What?" 
"Last night when Daddy was downstairs some, I came in here and put your fingers in your nose."

Asmund to Wystan: "Wow! Mommy and Daddy are my valentine, too."

Parenting differences:
Asmund asks me if Santa is real, "No, babe. Santa is based on a real person, and is a fun game, but no, he's not real."
Asmund asks me if fairies etc are real, "Well, we don't really know. We don't have any scientific evidence that they are, but that doesn't mean that they aren't."
---
Asmund asks Dennis is Santa is real, "Of course!!"
Asmund asks Dennis if fairies etc are real, "No, but the feelings we have about them are."

So...Mom says Santa is fake but fairies are probably real, Dad says Santa is real but fairies are fake! Poor confused kid!

BB-8 is an oft overlooked part of the water cycle.

Wystan's proof of love to Raedan: "Want to pick my nose?"

Overheard this morning:
Asmund, "Raedan, do you want me to read the Good Dog, Carl book to you?"
R, "No! Dinosaur book!"
A, looking through his shelf, "How about this book about dragons? Dragons are dinosaurs' uncles."
R, "Yes, dragon book!"

Dennis, walking into the living room with something just pulled from the oven, "Do you know that you left a burner on? And that the oven was at 500? And why is there orange juice on top of the fridge? Should I have people come stay with you when I'm gone?"

A, "Mom, did you ever think about a zipline? For chickens?"

Only one chicken liked the zipline, so the boys are doing this instead. So far, they've got eight up there. Wystan catches them, and Asmund keeps them calm once they're up. The boys put a bucket of feed by the tire, and none have cared to come down. Of course, they might just be traumatized.

After trying to get the boys to clean their room all day, Asmund just said, "Dad, this place is a mess!"

Asmund's idea from Bugs Bunny, to make a mouse trap by painting a metal nut like cheese. The mouse will eat it. Then he will use his magnet to catch the mouse. He just asked if I could do a web search: "How do you get metal to smell like cheese?"

Last night I dreamed that while on a family vacation, the earth was "invaded" by aliens. I was immediately a part of a group meant to take out the leadership, but as soon as my camera was converted into a special sort of gun that would fry all their brains as soon as I shot the leader, we learned that they weren't here to invade, but were seeking our help to escape the oppression of an alien warlord. This evil warlord had foreseen that if they managed to garner our help, he would be defeated, and so he produced a series of television dramas portraying the aliens as dangerous and their invasion as violent, to insure that we saw them that way and destroyed them for him.
So that's how I process current events while pregnant.

Me, "OUCH! Raedan, did you pull my hair?!!" 
R, grinning, "No, mommy. I pull my finger in your hair!"

W: "My stomach is rumbling."

"Martin Luther King Jr was a black man who was a superhero and saved black people." --Asmund

Wystan (overheard playing): "He is the boy who doesn't listen to his dad."

Me: "Who?"

Wystan: "Nothing."

Wystan, in clean up time, "I'm a little bit tiring." 

Wystan asks me to do a search for Lego droids that go, "DOO-doo doo-DOO, DOO-doo doo-DOO, DOO-doo doo-DOO, DOO!"

Toddlers land on a few excuses and use them indiscriminately, hence, conversations like these:
Raedan, playing with an empty soap bottle, "This my beer, mom. Grandma give it for me."
or, 
Me, "Ok, we're done nursing, time to go to sleep."
R, "No! Me want more noonies!"
Me, attempting to redirect. "Hey, you have noonies too, don't you?!"
R, putting his hands over his nipples, "Here, Mom!!"
Me, "...but your noonies don't have milk, huh?"
R, "No, Mom! Me noonies have milk--Grandma give it for me!"

Asmund is writing a mashup of Little Red Riding Hood and the Three Little Pigs. He calls it Red Pigs. EEKS!

Me, on the phone with Dennis, crying because someone said something sweet to me, "I'm such a mess! Was I really this much of a mess with the other ones?"
D, "Oh, yeah, hon. You were."

Raedan:
"Call me Heat Miser
I Heat Miser
Whatever I touch"

Asmund has found a new way to try on new jeans: Dance in front of the mirror to see how your moves look in the new said jeans.

"Babe, I'm leaving, don't forget to be mean to the kids."
That's real partnering/parenting, folks.

Disappear Man made an appearance at lunch today. 
Me to Dennis, "We haven't seen him in a while, have we. Was he born in Denver? I'm trying to remember."
Wystan cuts in with, "No, Disappear Man was born on a different planet. He is an alien."

Asmund: "Can we listen to the John Brown Christmas?"
Carrie: "You mean Charlie Brown?"
Asmund: "Oh, yes."

Wy: "Asmund, did you hide the barbeque sauce?"
As: "No. I only hide the Wickles."

The boys are really excited about me taking them to see the new Star Wars movie. The plan is to see the movie, then go to PT's [Flying Monkey] for hot chocolate, where it is "so chocolatey and the whipped cream is so creamy." BB-8 is a favorite around here, and Asmund created a Star Wars book with crayoned pictures. This does my heart good.

Me: "Thank you for your drawing."
Wy: "Thank my brain. My brain is full of thinking!"

Raedan: "Santa will bring me birthday presents!" (His birthday is in May.)

Asmund, "Dad, do you want to see your grandma again? Cause I'm going to make a time machine so that you can."

After Wystan asked if he could talk to Gramma on the phone: "Hi, Gramma! For Christmas, I want a baby robin, but Mommy and Daddy said no." Ha ha ha. Next will be a letter to Santa.

A: "How do you get smart?"
Me: "Well, you learn a lot as you grow up."
A: "Can you use the internet?"
Me: "Yes. That's a way to do it."
A: "That is why we are not smart. You won't let us on the internet."

He's already smart.

Asmund, "Daddy, can I write something in your book?"

A: "We need Uncle Carl to make a machine that when you turn on a movie you can push a button. Then this portal opens and the people from the movie come out, like the chipmunks. We are going to have a singing contest with the real chipmunks. You know they aren't real. Chipmunks don't actually sing. But they can be here with the machine before Christmas [when the contest will be]."