A blur of a semester

Wystan, "I am getting to be like Daddy. After I ate, I burped really big, just like Daddy!"

When the threenager tries to protect his baby.


Raedan: "Daddy, you is a pillow and I is a slug!"


Raedan is heartbroken. He thought going to a Royals game meant playing with the Royals. "But I am a very bigger boy! I am a good pit-cher! I very promise I not run off!"

Strong defiance from a three year old: "NO! I have poop and my naked butt will shoot poop at you! "

Raedan stuck a bead up his nose. Painful, but not too hard to remedy. He "very promise" he won't do it again.

September 2016

This week Wystan said we needed another brother, I told him no, but he could have as many kids as he (and his spouse) want when he grows up. So he and Asmund decided that since they will each have at least ten children, they'll build a large house for all of us to live when they grow up and marry "womens". I'm in love with the fact that they want to live with us always. Not that I'm planning on it. But living within a block of all my siblings is still a legitimate life goal for me, and if my kids all lived close, I'd be pretty happy. By then they'll be past the running around naked and screaming. I hope.

Wystan, "What's fire made of?"

Asmund, "Mom, when I have a dream, is that dream real?"
Raedan, coming downstairs looking confused and guilty, "Mom, I hurt Wystan. My very bestest friend Wystan! "

Raedan is going to be a cowboy tonight. A cowboy is like a farmer. He will get stuck in cow poop with his horse and get lost. Then he'll miss me, and I'll come find him and get him down.
Sounds about right.
Last week he kept asking me to tell him stories that he knew, but I didn't. That was frustrating for both of us. I'm glad we're back to him telling me stories and me reading him books.

"Mom, it is Eldric's bedroom!"



Wystan takes liberties with the story.



"I love your drawing, Asmund! I should tell you though, they didn't have tanks during the Revolutionary War."







About Asmund: I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the child who called his grandma "when daddy small baby mama", and the moon "blue cheese ball", would call 75 "50 and 25".


October 2016

YOU GUYS! WYSTAN JUST SAT DOWN BESIDE ME AND READ AN ENTIRE LIBRARY BOOK, OUT LOUD, WITH HELP ON ONLY THREE WORDS. SQUEEEEE!!!
I know, I know, learning to read doesn't make one a prodigy, but it's still magical when you get to watch it happening.

Tonight at supper, Asmund asked,
"Mom, what president (candidate) wants to make war?"
I hemmed a bit, trying to explain it's not quite as simple as that, but affirmed "Yes, Trump believes in making war in unethical ways. "
Asmund, "Ok Mom, I am NEVER voting for Trump. We want to make peace!"
Raedan chimes in, "We will make peace, Mommy, with Daddy's SWORD!"

Raedan, "Mommy, I cannot clean up my room because I am a carnivore."

Ada, "I'm a ballerina! "
Raedan, "I'm a balleRAEDAN!"
Ada, "Lela's favorite tree is gone. "
Raedan, "I will find it for her. I'm am a very sneaky spy human. "

Asmund, "I want to learn different languages. Mostly French and Dragon."

1. Chews on sleeping brother's hair.
2. "The towel, I was chewing on the towel!"
3. ("Naw, I was totally chewing on his hair. ")

Penguiee changed quite a bit during his travels away from us. The boys are building him a castle, complete with murder hole. Who knew a penguin would have fierce enough enemies to need a murder hole?




Asmund, "When Daddy's not here, I'm the KING IN THE HOUSE. "

"Alexander Camelton. My name is Alexander Camelton."

Wystan, after reading a book, "Huh, this is challenging. "
Me, "Sounds like your brain is growing. Are you ready to stop? "
W, "No, I want to read another one. "



November 2016




"You FUZZY BUTT ANIMALS! SHUT UP!"
Raedan, last night, to his brothers.

 Asmund, "Mom, is this city [St Louis] all about God?"




When Dennis carried Raedan upstairs to bed this evening, he woke up just enough to start laughing with the joy of being home. 

Boswell the Snuggle Cat. Kids see him sleeping and say, "He's a great killing machine, so he needs his rest. "

Yesterday I started reading Beowulf to Asmund. Today when Grandma came over, he brought her the book, opened to a picture, saying, "Look! It's the Foe of God!"
I think it's safe to say it's captured his imagination.

Just caught Raedan trying to wrap a corn tortilla around a half a pound of butter.

Dennis, "Raedan, you're my friend. "
R "No. I'm Wystan's friend. "
D "Will you be my friend? "
R "Yeah. For a minute."

(Singing) "ooo bring Him silver and gold"
Asmund, "AND PLATINUM!"

"Mom, why does Grendel look like a teenager?"



Raedan, "I have a penis, so I'm FANCY! "

Raedan: "Can I run to the store with you? I like running."


 

In Godland

Asmund: "Remember when you were pretending to call your Grandma who is in Godland?"

Raedan (singing): "A B C D E F G, how I wonder what you are."

Summer 2016

Asmund just showed me his new laser. He tapped a magnifying glass to a small solar panel taken from a robot kit, then tapped a battery behind it and a flashlight to to the handle to store power. He figured that the magnifying glass would concentrate the sun's rays into the solar panel, and amplify onto a lazer.
Honestly, I'm glad we're still at the non-working inventions phase.

I know that in his mind, that screaming fit made sense--"oh no! Mom got off the bed AT THE END instead of the side! AND she's holding BOTH water cups! I must warn her that she is about to be eaten by the "end of the bed, two water cup"monster!!"
Toddlers only make sense if you assume that the rules to their world are radically different than those of reality.

July 23: Eldric and Aldwyn: These two are three months old today! They can roll over, grab toys, as well as each other's hands. They sleep better than A and R ever did, and are in mostly six month clothes!

Dinner shenanigans:
Raedan buttered his entire torso, then rubbed his corn on his chest before eating it.
Wystan supposed that if hamburgers were HANDburgers, they would be made by chopping hands off dead humans and frying them up.
Asmund was unusually normal.

When your kids are in trouble but you're secretly pleased because at least they were creative and unified in their mischief.

Twins: because watching your babies hold hands as they nurse in the middle of the night is sure to make your heart explode.

It appears that Raedan's goal today is to pee in as many unusual places as possible.

Asmund, "Mom, what's the rapture?"
Me, "A bizarre theological concept that popped up in the mid 1800s and had disastrous consequences for the church, crippling the Christian social justice movement for a hundred and fifty years."
I may struggle some expressing faith concepts to my kids, but at least I have that one down.

Dennis, "Microscopes look at things that are tiny, telescopes look at things that are far away."
Asmund, "Like other dimensions?"

Wystan, "Mom, now I'm putting in my invisible earplugs so I can listen to music."
-mimes putting in ear buds and begins bopping his head around.

During the MLB All-Star Game: Asmund, "Dad, I just thought of something. Why are all the baseball players men instead of women?"

Asmund, "Dad, tell us a bedtime story!"
Dennis, "Okay: We were all tired, so we went to bed and slept all night long."
A, "No, a PRETEND story!"
Dennis, "Okay: We were all tired, so we went to bed and slept all night long."

Asmund, (sigh) "Dad, why is life so wonderful?" 

Bedtime with Raedan:
"Mommy, I want duney, Daddy said yes!"
Tells me a story:
"There was a horse. He was big, big, big. He was red. He go to work and helps the doctor. He had a boat and float all over the world. He catch a mean, big whale and fall him down in the Itch Room. The mean whale say 'No! I NOT GO to the Itch Room' but he goes."

Wystan has a habit of singing what he's doing. This is what I just caught while he was building with Raedan: "It's yours and I made it just for yoooouu!" (Sudden change in tone) "...and it's full of dragons that will eaaat you!"

To say that Raedan is a handful is an understatement. He has injured most of the family, from black eyes and loving head butts, welts from sword fighting, to bite marks after not getting his way. He gravitates towards the dangerous and the loud, whether he's joyful or angry, he is the reason we zip tie our medicine chest, and he's only still when he's sleeping.
He's also the most tender hearted child:
"Mommy, I sorry I wreck your house."
"Mommy, I miss you. Will you say me when you miss me too?"
"Mommy, I love you. I love my brothers. I love Daddy."
"Mommy, you say me Sun Boy Rain Boy?" (A request for his song.)

As a former "strong willed child", I loathe the term. Right now I'm calling him my "little sun god/violent irrational monster".

Raedan hugging Eldric: "Look, Mom. I hug him nicey."

Just when I need him, Disappear Man returns. He's playing tricks at the library today.

You know how when you're waiting for a parking spot, the person leaving takes longer? The threenager hasn't realized that the same principle applies to screaming outside the bathroom door.
Threenagers have no emotional regulation; you'd better pray you have enough for both of you.
He's currently crying, on my lap, because:
-Wystan tried to cheer him up by giving him post-its
-He misses/loves me
-He wants to go with Grandma
-He wants noonie
-He wants taffy
-He doesn't want soup
-He wants chicken
-He wants to sit on my lap (yes, while on my lap, he is crying because he wants to sit on my lap)
  
Planning for the tea party, and Asmund finds a table runner he likes:
"This is a good one, Mom. It's right in between classy and, well, classic!"

"Na na na nana, I am still alive!"

Asmund's observation reading a story, "What kind of mother let's her child put a fish, fishing rod, mug, and boat in the bathtub?!" 

Wystan, "Asmund, did you know that I have an invisible spy watch? "
Asmund, "I didn't. First, because you didn't tell me, second, because it is invisible. "

"Don't suck on the cat's face. "
This may be the weirdest directive I've given Raedan regarding Boswell, though "Don't put the cat in the freezer" was pretty important.

Asmund put the solar panel that Wystan needs in another universe, but he won't tell him where.

Wystan is telling us rules for grown ups and Halloween. Here's a sample:
- Don't become friends with a zombie.
- Don't put bugs up your nose if you're allergic to bugs.
- Don't become a monster with changed DNA. Only change your DNA if it makes you stronger.

Raedan, to Kelsey, "This is a spaceship dragon. It is a baby dragon and I am a Mama dragon and protect it from ghosts. You are the Daddy dragon. I am the Mama and my mouth is BIGGER and BIGGER to protect the baby."

Asmund, "Mom, are we doing phoenix work today? "
"What??? What is phoenix work? "
"You know, ABCs and sounds. "
"Phonics, babe. Phonics. "

^That's irony right there.

My kids are tea snobs:
"Mom, would you please make us some tea? Irish breakfast?"

DeAnn: Watching the Original Pete's Dragon with the best nephews ever! "I'll be your Candle on the Water" comes on and Raedan says " what does my love for you will always burn mean?" Love these boys!

Wystan thinks the English department could save themselves the trouble of complicated scholarship processes by "just yelling 'if you come in here, we'll give you money!'"
This would probably work.

"What do you guys think of these? " (chocolate covered nut butter)
Asmund, "Wait. YOU made these?!? They were so good I thought someone else must have done it! "

 

Raedan is a good bad guy

Raedan is a good bad guy, with two scary eyes, and a monkey on his back that eats bad guys like bananas, and is a pirate monkey, which makes him scary. He flies his Raedan airplane and saves owls from bad guys. He crushes them into good bad guys.

Stop salts!

Asmund, "MOM can you come stop Raedan from salting me?"
Thinking he meant assault, and impressed with his vocabulary, I walk in to find Raedan actually salting him, with the salt shaker.

Yesterday, Ron and I were discussing whether superhero movies present reality as black and white. Asmund walked in and said, "Mom, they ARE black and white. Are you forgetting, Falcon is a black man?"

I know that in his mind, that screaming fit made sense--"oh no! Mom got off the bed AT THE END instead of the side! AND she's holding BOTH water cups! I must warn her that she is about to be eaten by the "end of the bed, two water cup"monster!!"
Toddlers only make sense if you assume that the rules to their world are radically different than those of reality.

Asmund just showed me his new laser. He tapped a magnifying glass to a small solar panel taken from a robot kit, then tapped a battery behind it and a flashlight to to the handle to store power. He figured that the magnifying glass would concentrate the sun's rays into the solar panel, and amplify onto a lazer.
Honestly, I'm glad we're still at the non-working inventions phase.

Update

Raedan is now saying a lot more this year. I've been behind, due to the two new boys!

Raedan: "When I was a kid my granddaughter gave me a dinosaur truck and a blue horse. It was too small for me."

Raedan: "Can you play Royals with me?"

Asmund, referencing my metronome after watching me practice: "Can I play with it? It looks fun! Is it fun?"

Metronomes fun? I think the jury is still out on that one.

Raedan is in love with his birthday bike. He's pretending to show everyone:
Dennis: "Where are you going, Raedan?" 
R: "To Grandma's house! (wheels into the next room) Hi Grandma! See my new bike?!" (wheels into the living room) "Mom, are you Grandma?"
Me: "Sure, baby--Oh Raedan, I love your bike!"
R: "Yes, you be Grandma, Daddy be Aunt DeAnn. Asmund be a marshmallow! (chuckles) Asmund-marshmallow, that a funny word and I eat him."

Asmund is writing a rock song. So far his lyrics are "dying in love", and his air guitar is sick. O.o Wystan and Asmund have decided that they want to be inventor/scientist/rock stars.

Me, "We're going to bed as soon as we get up from the table, so make sure you aren't hungry."
Asmund, "I'm not hungry."
Wystan, "I'm not hungry. I won't be hungry until I get into bed."

Asmund, breaking from singing "On Top of Spaghetti":

"Wow, this is a really emotional song. About meatballs. And spaghetti."

Wystan is selling his Spider-Man versus Electro comic for five nickels!

Tonight's bedtime story involved a dragon-leprechaun, and a horse who found his pot of gold and was given three wishes. He wished for wings so he could fly with a sphinx, food that appeared when he wanted, and a magic necklace and crown. As a bonus he was turned into a horse-dragon. Characters and wishes provided by Raedan, who was, in fact, the dragon-leprechaun, and acted out giving all the wishes to his stuffed horse.

Raedan, looking at the twins: "Mom, when I born, I baby!"

Wystan: "I want to go through time someday."

Wystan, about his career: "I am going to be a ninja, a scientist, and an inventor."
Me: "But being a ninja would mean being bad."
Wystan: "I'll be a good ninja."

Asmund: Do you know who Bernie is? He's a dinosaur. 
Me: What?
I go into the other room to find Asmund watching Barney.

I just learned that Asmund thought scorpions cut holes in people and climbed inside.

"WOW, no they DON'T! That would be super creepy!"
"Well Mom, scorpions ARE creepy."
"Not THAT creepy, son."

"Stop licking the cheese!"

After I annoyed Asmund for a change: "You gave _me_ a turn."

Wystan, climbing the fence: "I am easy at this."

Raedan is a robber and is making a robber trap so he can steal other robbers with his powers.

Wystan: I am going to be an inventor, a scientist, and a Kung Fu Panda.

Instead of asking what something says, Raedan asks, "What is this ABC?"

Asmund: "Wystan is such a joker. Not the villain Joker."

Carrie had a dream that Wilson Fisk was paying off the twins to stay awake at night. She then realized it couldn't be, as the boys were sleeping.

"Mom, babies want cheeses?" "No, sweetie. Babies can't eat cheese. Do you remember what babies can have?" "Um...fruit leather?"

Asmund, "The babies don't laugh because their funny bones haven't grown yet. Am I right, Mom?"

Kelsey: "Do you have two baby brothers?"
Raedan: "Yes. One for me and one for Wystan."

Asmund: "Atlantis is so old, even Netflix doesn't remember it."

Wystan, waking us up: "Can I go downstairs to clean the windows?" How awesome is that?

Asmund and Wystan want to use science to figure out whether The Queen of the Night sits on the moon, or is a star.

Raedan: "will you type all yoda videos, have a person's arms, have a lightsaber, have a head"

Me: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Raedan"Big."

A conversation this morning before I woke up:
Wystan: "Let's go jump on daddy!"
Raedan: "No, I not jump on daddy. Daddy is nice."
Wystan: "But, Raedan, we like to wake up daddy in fun ways."

A: "Can we make yogurt?"
Me: "We will need a yogurt machine?"
A: "Can we build a yogurt machine?"

Marvel + yoga = a five year old in tree pose, repeating "I am Groot."

Raedan, with a LEGO human, "I am a ninja."
Dennis, "What do you do?"
"Red."
"But what is your job description?"
"Read books."
"Wow!"
"I have a alphabet--Y, Z, elf, and bat."

(Alphabet/elf-and-bat?)

Wystan, " I need the lessons of PI-anos. I know very well about PI-anos."

Only a boy mom knows the terror that strikes upon hearing the words, "PEE FIGHT!!" from the bathroom.

"That girl in a pink dress and me are building a tree house. It's going to have SOLO power, so we get our power from the sun, just like leaves!"

Raedan, "Mom, can you call Bumblebee?"

Wystan: "I want BB-8 to be able to transform into Bumblebee."
Dennis: "Yes! They have the same personality."
Wysyan: "No. They have the same robot-ality."

Etzel home, 9:30pm, twenty minutes after (delayed) lights out, third attempt to be allowed downstairs:
Asmund, "Mom, we're downstairs because Wystan needs to throw up."
Wystan, who has the hiccups, "I just need done water."
Asmund, "No, you need to throw up! I hear the sound of it!"
Me, "Go upstairs. Wystan, if you need to throw up, just open up Asmund's dresser drawer and throw up in there."

Asmund is worried about the tornado, so he duct taped the toilet lid shut. "For security" he explained. 
I know this must make sense in his brain, right?

Raedan is crying because we won't let him "fly that baby like a superman."

Rae just brought me his swim shorts, "Mom, my pants wet!" and ran back to the pool. Um, yeah kid, that's the point of swim shorts!

Raedan, wearing his Creature Power Suit, touched Aldwyn, "Activate baby powers! Mom, I a baby! I have baby powers!"

Early celebration of Raedan's third birthday, with a pony ride and Mexican food. He was in love, "I riding a pony! I cowboy!" 

Raedan is in love with his birthday bike. He's pretending to show everyone:
Dennis: "Where are you going, Raedan?" 
R: "To Grandma's house! (wheels into the next room) Hi Grandma! See my new bike?!" (wheels into the living room) "Mom, are you Grandma?"
Me: "Sure, baby--Oh Raedan, I love your bike!"
R: "Yes, you be Grandma, Daddy be Aunt DeAnn. Asmund be a marshmallow! (chuckles) Asmund-marshmallow, that a funny word and I eat him."

Raedan picked this from the Little Free Library at the Kansas Children's Discovery Center. He says, "This my ZOMBIE book!!"

Asmund, "Hey, Mom, I moved the chicken wood shavings to their place...
...with THESE muscles!!" (Shows his guns)

Actual conversation this morning:
Me: "I'm making potato and eggs for breakfast."
Kids: GROANS
Wystan: "Can I have soup instead?"
Me: (finds desirable leftovers when heating up soup, heats them too)
"Never mind, we'll have this!"
Asmund: MOM!!! We wanted potatos and eggs!!"
Me: ....
(Makes potatoes and eggs)
Asmund: (eats anemic amount) "Ugh, I'm done, this is making me sick."

Raedan, "I has present for you babies."
Proceeds to crayon on their heads.

Seven year olds are pretty suggestible. Particularly when the suggestion is that, thanks to those bites, they may be becoming spider-man.

Wystan and Raedan are playing a game that involves either escaping from an angry triangle, or one of them being an angry triangle.

Martha: The boys and I had a grand adventure today. We were sailing dangerous seas full of sharks, radioactive leeches as long as my arm and electric eels. Thankfully,Wystan's entire body (head excluded) was made of ademantium (tragic tale) and he could enter the water unharmed. I was the daughter of Black Widow & Spiderman, which made me Spidergirl. My superpowers included punching through walls, lazer eyes and freezing breath. We were hunting Atlantis and/or the 5 triangles (which once assembled would lead us to something awesome). Asmund was first mate and chief hole fixer since our ship seemed to spring many leaks. Raedan manned the guns and kept the engines running with his mighty swinging (outside swing set).

"I read a WHOLE BOOK yesterday! And I read ANOTHER ONE today!!"
It may still be a while before he's reading independently, but Asmund loves his new phonics storybooks. 

"I hold one my babies? My baby want my noonie. My noonie right here."

Raedan is attacking Wystan with a beaver puppet, Wystan is teaching Eldric how to spell poop, and Asmund is concocting elaborate plans to catch mice.
Just another evening at the Etzel house.

Wystan, holding his mini Lego X-Wing Fighter: "I am shooting the Death Star which is your head."

A: "Grandma, this chicken is as old as you are!"

"I want hugs and kisses for my Dosey!" Raedan already misses you, Kelsey!

Sarah: Raedan is running upstairs to uncle Carl and his brothers (who are folding and putting away laundry), then coming back down to me saying "Aunt Sarah, it's surprise" and pulling socks out of his shirt.

Raedan is a good bad guy, With two scary eyes, and a monkey on his back that eats bad guys like bananas, and is a pirate monkey, which makes him scary. He flies his Raedan airplane and saves owls from bad guys. He crushes them into good bad guys.