April through June 2015

W: "Hello? Is anybody on this planet?"

Me: "Yes."

W: "I was talking to myself!"

"If you do not get a fish, go fish."

Mrs. E: "You remembered." A: "It's the brain that remembered!"

A: "I am a turtle, and I am free!"

W: "Disappear Man lives on Mercury. He visits Earth when he wants to take humans to Mercury to have dinner with him."

A to me: "Do you want to see my invention? Well, Sally, it's on the rooftop!"

Wystanisms of the day:

"I am a human ladybug. I help ladybugs and I give people ladybugs for pets."

"I am making a evil chicken trap. Evil chickens have lasers that shoot out of their beaks."

"I am an outer space scientist. We must make a metal spaceship and go to Pluto. We will need a human to help us; we will get Bella and Bailee's mom."

The boys are leaving a trail of carrots to lead the rabbit from the yard into our house.

A: "It's the elephant of a prize!"

W: "Do you want to hear a knock knock joke? Ding dong!"

W: "Diarrhea is bad to eat."

W: upside down on the chair: "Why are you upside down?"

Me: "Why are you upside down?"

W: "Because I don't have a body."

Me: "Yes, you do. It's here."

W: "No. This is Disappear Man's body. I took his human body away."

W: "I need money and dollars for my wallet."

A: "I am always awake. I am the smallest sleeper and the biggest waker!"

A, "We are going under cover." (Going under MY covers.)

W, refusing my explanation of skin tabs, "No, this is part of your brain, coming out."

and R, just happy, thankfully, having slept well.

April 20, 2015: Asmund, at six years old, made his first official pun just now! He was helping me cut and saw a dead tree branch apart into smaller pieces, when he said, "Please help me make sure things do not _stick_ out. Get it? _Stick_ out?" YAY! I am so proud of him.

May 4, 2015: Asmund's second pun, when I asked him to hurry with putting his books on the bookshelf: "I'm trying to book it!"

Raedan calls all men "daddy" right now. I just say, loudly, "Yes, babe, that's a MAN." Also, a few weeks ago, on a very crowded sidewalk, Wystan yelled to me, "NO I DON'T HAVE TO PEE! I'M GRABBING MY PENIS BECAUSE IT HURTS BECAUSE I PINCH IT!" Judging from the muffled laughter I'm pretty sure it made several people's night.

Almost as bad as when he told Dennis, "you're not my dad!!" in a public restroom, was wailing "Why don't you feed me!!!???!!!" in the Target parking lot.

Disappear Man helped Tony Stark and Shark Man roll the tires to the back gate because Pepper was too busy nursing Rody.

A: "Mom, the chicks are laying POOP!!!"

Me, "Wow, Asmund, when did you get such strong, big boy legs?"

A, "Well, I'm six and a half, but my heart is already seven, and my legs are strong because of my heart." (Motioning to his arms) "See these great strong muscles? These are from my brain, which is eight."

Me: "Wow, don't these peonies smell good?"

W: "Yes. They smell like superheroes."

Me: "What do superheroes smell like?"

W: "Like whomans. Superheroes ARE whomans." (humans)

A: "But Wyse, some superheroes are aliens!"

W: "Yeah, like Disappear Man, and Basilisk Man, and Me."

Yesterday, while playing, Asmund good naturedly yelled, "Just move, woman!" to a friend. I think it's safe to say that we're in that, picks up phrases without understanding their appropriateness phase.

Asmund, "Mom, I called Raedan nursing 'lipsticking' because he has his lips on that stick thingy."

"Nipple?"

"Yeah, that."

Toddler-think, "Hum, THIS egg cracked when I threw it on the ground, I wonder if this other one will. Or this one. Or this one. Hum, maybe I can get the dog to eat it. Or maybe I should get down on the floor and eat it like the dog. Also, why does mom think it's such a big deal for me to take my diaper off and pee on Asmund?! That was fun!"

A: "I like hot baths, but not too hot to put my heart on fire."

Asmund is post-mod. In the middle of the Modernist paintings, he uses colored pencils to draw-color the exit sign on the wall.

Wystan, at bedtime, "Mom, you know, I love you still, even when I'm mad at you."

Just caught Raedan in the bathroom, soaping and attempting to shave his head with my razor.

The boys were recently at the dentist. After W's appointment, he was shown a prize box to choose a prize from. He asked, "Isn't there any candy?" He also told the dentist he drinks lots of soda. A keeps wiggling his loose teeth. He's excited about the tooth fairy coming. He said, "Maybe the tooth fairy will leave candy, money, or an electric toothbrush! Or maybe all three!"

Asmund wants to lose a tooth so the Tooth Fairy can come. She might leave a girl or a boy.

Uncle Sam created Spider-Robot who could repair himself after all of the Americans died by fire. Now it is only Spider-Robot and his friends: a cyborg, a robot, and, of course, an alien.

Asmund lost his first tooth June 6, 2015.

Wystan just peed in his water. At dinner. It was an "ihperiment".

The kids painted this morning. Asmund spent much longer than he usually does, and when he was done, explained the colors and shape in detail. After expressing my admiration for his work, he nonchalantly said,

"Yes, Mom. All the art I make is good."

When I was six, I had an evil twin named Sally, who did everything bad that I got blamed for. Fast forward 28 years, now Robot Asmund is terrorizing his brother. Evidently he has a Robot side, a Pirate side, a Mean side and a Screech-bird side.

"Wystan, do you want a hat?"

"No. I just want to love you."

Asmund sang "Fifteen men on a dead man's chest. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum", loudly, the entire time we were in Dillons. Wystan pipped up occasionally with a chorus of "I love bunnies" The cashiers could barely contain themselves.

Asmund showed me a picture of Lego Ghost Rider, and explained, "Ghost Rider has poems and is a man of God. Ghost Rider is a man of God because he kills bad guys to send them to heaven so they know better."

confused_rev emoticon

(We may have had a little talk about what God really wants from us.)

W: "I want Santa to bring me a new toothbrush and a picture of a human like me."

Spring Brings Disappear Man

A: "I can't find my machine so I can build a new one."

W: "Do owls have bones?"

W to A: "Blue (the star turtle) will protect you. Blue will call God."

A: "I'm scared of the dark as a doornail."

Last night, Asmund said to me, "I am behind you. I will give you a 'ssage. Don't look, it will hurt!"

Asmund: "What are we having, sweet Mama?"

A: "My shirt is sticky, gooey, slimey, and, of course, dirty."

A: "I like goats."
Mrs. E: "Give me another sentence."
A: "I super-like goats."

"I'm not worrying about the bugs. I'm angsting about the bugs!"

Dennis, laying with the hotel phone with Raedan, "Hello, hello, is this Grandma?" 

Asmund looks up from his Lego play, "Dad! You know your grandma is dead!" Dennis, fast on his feet, "I was trying to call heaven."
Wystan laughs, "Heaven is not a person, heaven is a robot!"

You try to play with your child, then, "Please stop talking to Spider-Man, he is a Lego." Oh, Wystan.

Wystan, "Mom, what Eskimos are?" 
"Eskimos are a people group who live in the arctic."
"Hum. So they are tigers?"

Naked Wystan: "I want to wear my real PJs. Do you know what they are? My body!"

"What is that bruise?" "It's a going-away ouchie."

"Let's watch another Thomas the train. They bring Raedan's spirits up. Actually, everybody has their own spirit."

I asked the boys, "Do you want to continue listening to the podcast?" Asmund said, "Yeah," and Wystan without missing a beat, "But we don't like it." 

Tonight's most bizarre bedtime question came from Wystan:
"Mom, do girls have bones?"
Asmund answered, "Wystan, everything has bones, except slime."
Good thing tomorrow is library day.

I love what Wystan just said to me: "I think you are still a kid." On good days, I feel it.

Wystan, at dinner, holding a butter knife, "Dad, I want to cut your neck."
Dennis, "Um, no."
Wystan, "Okay."
Kids are creepy.

Asmund uses monitors drawn with chalk to keep an eye on Dr Evazi, the bad guy.

"If I had a magic wand I would make magic stuff. Like pepperoni pizza."

"Shoo, fly, don't bother me. Shoo, fly, don't bother me. Shoo, fly, don't bother me. I have somebody else in me."

Asmund, "Mom, when will you have another baby? Can it be a girl baby? Maybe we can have three girl babies...when we have a girl baby, can we name her Skrillix?"

"If you go through the Valley of Spiders and avoid the traps, you can get coffee." Asmund used yarn to cover his room with yarn traps.

Dennis, 

after Asmund's umpteenth explanation on why he gets to pick a movie, "Huh, you seem to think this is a democracy. Can you say totalitarian dictatorship?"

I just overheard Asmund tell Dennis, "We need to have ten more babies in this family. Then we well always have a lot of friends!" All I can think of is that episode of HIMYM when Lily tells Marshall, "You're writing checks by vagina can't cash!"

From Carrie: I routinely ask the boys to pick one or two toys to donate or trash. This morning Asmund had a better idea, "Mom, how about we not get rid of anything. How about we buy something, then get rid of that."

Asmund, frustrated, yells from his bedroom, "WYSTAN come IN here! I love to have your company!!"

From the back of the van, Wystan says, "I just heard Disappear Man laugh. I didn't know he was here. He's a trickster all the time."

Having a brother who practices western martial arts has influenced my parenting. For example, "Raedan! You should never run at someone with a pole unless you're jousting!"

 

Asmund, eating his beans, "Mom, you are a betterist cook than anyone."

Asmund called the moon "blue cheese ball" for a year, but Wystan's current "buddleyou" (w) and Raedan's "hoffwees" (horsey) tie for first in my book.

"Bats see from their ears with lecho-ocation."

Love that my boys like tea parties. Raedan says, "Want more tea, Mama!" Meanwhile, the big boys skipped seconds in favour of working on the Dinosquad computers. They're trying to catch Dr something-I-can't-make-out, a mutant robber.

A New Approach to Getting Rid of Things

Carrie: I routinely ask the boys to pick one or two toys to donate or trash. This morning Asmund had a better idea, "Mom, how about we not get rid of anything. How about we buy something, then get rid of that."

January into February

Night weaning means excessive day nursing. I escaped this round by bribing him with almonds and raisins. I see many snacks in his near future.


Asmund, frustrated, yells from his bedroom, "WYSTAN come IN here! I love to have your company!!"

Supreme hopscotch: you go under a chair while carrying a baby on your back. The numbers go from 1 to 30. Asmund's creation. "A one and a six. Sixteen. Now am I serious or not?!"

Asmund: Can we watch Captain America? It will make good memories for me.

Bat-Wystan, "This is mosquito beer. Bats eat mosquitos."
Asmund, "I only wanted regular beer!"

It's water kefir, folks. I promise.

A: Dad! You need to tell map makers that koalas do not drink wine or live in the dessert. They would get overheated and die.

My Saturday night peanut butter sandwich date is the best. Every time Wystan burps he says, "Um, dat was my bwain."

"Mom, can I have more brussels sprouts? I want all of them!" 

From Carrie: Asmund walks up beside me, looking straight ahead, "Hi, Mom." Pauses and turns to look me in the eye, "I mean, She Hulk."

Cuddling Wystan this morning, I ask, "What are you going to do when you're a grown man?" Without missing a beat, he replies, "Eat beer and grown up cookies."

Asmund and Wystan were so darn cute today, I really should have taken a picture. Ten years from now they probably aren't going to want it broadcasted that they liked to lick each other's faces, and I'm gonna need proof. BwaHahaha!!

Wystan, vying for Asmund's chore, "Mom, Mom, I can vacuum! I am the best vacuum cleaner human!"

"Mom, the rooster is on top of that, uh, female!" 
"The rooster is on top of the hen? Yeah, roosters do that."
"Chickens play piggyback?!?!"

W: You find a rock, you keep a rock.

Based on A's rules for Marvel Heroscape, the game is over when the bad guys have turned into good guys.

According to Wy, Alfred the dog is giving bones to his dad for Valentine's Day. He is a good dog. All dogs have dads, and sometimes they are puppies.

A: We didn't pick up our room because we had to eat lunch, then I had history--you know how it is.

Me: What do you know about ghost towns?
A: No one lives in them. Except for monsters and zombies and ghosts!

According to A and W, the chickens are the bad guys, the rooster is the bad king, Raedan is the good king, Captain and Alfred (dogs) are a wolf and fox and A and W are superheroes.

A: "I am always hungry like a wild dog or wolf."

W: Yogurt is our lunch. Now we can have a treat!

Asmund, with colored pencils stuck in his nostrils, "Mom, do I look like a dragon?"

 

A: "I'm a good joker. I might even be in the Batman movie."

"You might be a real rocket star! Ooo la la la."

 

Christmas 2014

Asmund, "Daddy?"
Dennis "Yes?"
A, "I love you. 
Mommy?" 
M, "Yes?"
A, "I'm thirsty."

[

"Christmas time is here, Christmas time is here. Open all the presents, open all the presents, open all the presents....hum hum hum"



[

Wystan, to the tune of Jingle Bells, "Doctor Who, Doctor Who, humans in space ships/ not a human, he a alien and he have two hearts!"

Asmund used the word "discombobulated" correctly yesterday. Dennis, I think this means we're winning at parenting.

A: "Mom says a hippo will eat me up for lunch, but I say a hippo is a fairy terrian."

Asmund, studying the solar system: "This is Earth, and you go around the sun to Pluto where our alien friends live."

Wystan: "Is Jupiter the largest planet in the whole world?"

W: "See that spaceship in the black hole? That is me when I was a good alien."

Asmund: "If you get too close to the sun, it might melt your spaceship."

Asmund: "Scientists don't think Pluto is real, but it is!"

Asmund: "I was thinking of something but now I can't think it out."

"You're living on the dreams, baby! I learned that from a song. Too funny, it will break your heart off."

Asmund: "Brain is a scientist mouse, so Pinky and the Brain can show us things we don't know about science."

A: "Was I good all day? Me: "Yes." A: "So Santa's going to come tonight?"

Wystan, "I am your boss, Dad, because I am your student."

Asmund, about the Ichabod mascot: It looks like a monster wearing glasses.

Asmund: Canadian geese are flamingos' uncles.

A: "But I don't even know how to wash dishes." Said upon opening a present inside a box originally for dishes.

Merry Christmas! Our morning highlights: Asmund eating his candy cane while brushing his teeth with his new electric toothbrush, Wystan stripping to change into his new mama made pjs, Grandpa magically knowing exactly what they wanted from the toy store two days ago, and best of all, Asmund struggling to understand why Santa would bring him dishes, "but I don't even know how to wash dishes" before discovering the transformers inside.